Boy, I feel like a fool. I remember, back in the spring, when I began writing this “blog.” I was so full of myself.
“Just carve out some time on the weekends to bake your bread for the week.”
I am so sorry to those of you who are employed, inside or outside of the home. Or those of you who have small children, or who homeschool. I am working a measly five hours per day, five days a week. And I am pretty exhausted. I have made bread three times since I started working in August. Most Sunday afternoons I spend wondering when I’m going to get my laundry done while I’m catching up on shopping for the week. Blog? Writing about being efficient? Don’t make me laugh!
This fall has held a series of other humbling experiences for me. I’ve been humbled by my own actions, and by watching the experiences of those near me. Just when I think that I’m kind of “grown up,” situations unfold (or slap me in the face) that encourage self-reflection and the development of my character. If you don’t already know this, character development is a painful project.
First off, my dog Spanky died. He was fifteen years old with a bad heart, and it was a common thing to check on him every morning to see if he was still breathing. His eyesight was poor, his hearing non-existent. But that darn dog was happy, loved hanging out with us, and REALLY loved to run after Biggie and Bella. All of these qualities led to a horrible (for Spanky) slow-rolling car accident. The only blessing is that he died immediately, but I am broken and changed inside. It was my responsibility to take care of that little guy; instead I was responsible for his death. I have gone over the circumstances repeatedly, my husband (who witnessed it all) has explained how it happened, and I realize logically that it was an unavoidable accident. There’s not a lot to say beyond that. Logic can only carry me to a certain point.Working through the guilt will take time.
That’s a sad event, to be sure.
I have to get REAL real, though. Bad things are going on all over, things that my dog-drama has no room sharing the floor with.
Yesterday we attended the funeral of Joe’s cousin Andria’s son. Gabriel was twenty years old. He died from a rare form of ALS; he was only diagnosed this spring. I am so, so sorry. There is nothing that can measure the pain that Andria and her family feel. It is beautiful to witness their faith in God and the support of their family and friends. Yet, their firstborn child is no longer here.
So I continue on, humbled. Baking bread is nice, but so is spending time with my kids without the pressure that I HAVE TO GET THIS STUFF DONE. I have the week off from work, and I will get to bake and prepare food for Thanksgiving, and maybe do some reading. Perhaps I will get out Christmas projects; perhaps not. Definitely not, if it means getting caught up in “gotta-dos” that turn me into a stressed and un-joyful person. I must keep it in perspective; Thursday is Thanksgiving Day. It’s difficult to be thankful when you’re anxious and worked up.
I will leave that to Joe, who is working on a project of his own. I’ll admit it: it feels pretty good to appear to him to be an expert at something like using a sewing machine. He is making something really awesome for his crew for Christmas. I can’t say what it is or it will spoil his surprise.
Here are a few more pictures of something I am thankful for.
I took these today (November 23, 2014.) Even though I get tired of the incessant heat and sunshine, and the lack of rain and the fact that we have to limit our water usage because we are experiencing a drought… it’s remarkably pretty in Redlands right now. It’s like we are having a second spring. The rest of the country is experiencing some serious weather, but the sun is shining on us.